Betty Friedan's The Feminine Mystique: Part 3 - Realizing the full potential of human existence

Jazmine Lawrence is a Master of Arts (Theology) student at Acadia Divinity College in Nova Scotia, Canada. Prior to theology studies, she served for 14 years in the Royal Canadian Air Force as aircrew on Sea King helicopters. 

Reading Betty Friedan’s 1963 book, The Feminine Mystique, earlier this year proved more impactful than I expected. Truthfully, I was pleasantly surprised by her resistance to unhelpful kinds of feminism that dismiss homemakers and make all men villains. Though not Christian, her balanced perspective refreshed my efforts to not resent those who facilitated the church hierarchy that distressed me in past years. I also hadn’t expected Friedan’s meaningful critique of the church and its theology and praxis. With only brief nods to the church’s influence on 1960’s homes, Friedan still manages to tug at the conscience and guide God’s people away from time-bound church norms that persist in dehumanizing women.

            In this third reflection, I’ll look at why Friedan is concerned about viewing women as fully human. To recap, Part Iof these reflections reviewed Friedan’s personal and historical context that fuelled her book, while Part II touched on her critique of theology and church praxis that say women violate a God-given nature by being other than a homemaker.

My first two reflections painted Friedan’s book in a rosy light, so let me just note that there are a few things to watch out for when reading this book. She sometimes makes sweeping generalizations that need a moment’s critical thought and even rejection, for example when she generalizes that every suburban wife struggles the same way. She also critiques and then selectively applies Sigmund Freud’s theories: psychology now may handle Freud differently and would probably demand more nuance in her psychology-related questions, observations and conclusions.

That said, Friedan got her degree in psychology in the 1940s and was using exactly the tools it had given her to push back on psychologically reasoned approaches to diminishing women: e.g. that a woman cannot thrive without a man, that she cannot handle mothering and a career, etc. In pushing back, Friedan exposes the psychological effects of hierarchy on women, a problem the size of not just her American or even the whole Western context, but the entire patriarchal world. The tsunami effects of this book are still rippling 62 years later, splashing up shocking ice water to re-awaken the global church to the way patriarchy still prevents women from walking in and blessing God’s kingdom with their God-given potential.

Now, for being fully human: The Feminine Mystique investigates the discontentment many housewives expressed in the early 1960’s, which Friedan calls “the problem that has no name.” She discovered how confused housewives felt about having an identity approved of within the narrow range of being “wife” and “mother.” In other words, these women felt social affirmation for but not lifelong contentment in a lifestyle defined by having a husband and children, rather than defined something bigger that could both embrace and transcend home life. Many housewives gave up even wanting anything outside homemaking. As one college junior told Friedan in an interview, “I don’t want to be interested in a career I’ll have to give up”^[1] in order to get married and have children, as expected by family, friends and society. Friedan’s final chapter title, “The Forfeited Self,” captures this attitude, a form of self-dehumanization.

This is, unfortunately, not just a 1960’s problem but a today problem, whether in churches that prevent women from moving beyond certain spheres of influence, or in family and work cultures. The complementarian pastor-theologian, John MacArthur, pulls no punches in saying of women that “the home is the sphere of her divine assignment.”^[2] He has taught this for decades from the highly influential platform of his American megachurch and applied it publicly in 2019 to beloved teacher/preacher Beth Moore, stating emphatically that she should, “Go home,”^[3] while his audience of thousands laughed.

Authoritative voices like a famous pastor and his assenting congregation deny women what Friedan calls strong commitment^[4]—and therefore purpose—outside the Christian home, while encouraging passivity and apathy about engaging in that outside world. To even recover willingness to engage again, some women need compassionate egalitarian churches who can help them regain a vision of their own Spirit-giftedness to meaningfully engage with and contribute to their larger communities. Without such healing, women can languish in what Friedan calls a “bleak fear of the future,”^[5]a lie she says women are misled to think is escapable by isolating in marriage and raising children. Animated fantasy movies until and through the 1990’s certainly strengthened this: Disney princes represented the fantasy of unconditional emotional affirmation, physical safety from lurking danger, and wealth for which the wife didn’t need to work. This range of apathy to fear to fantasy turns out to discourage women from accessing their full God-given human potential, from seeing themselves as fully human.

In searching out exactly what kind of identity and vision of the future makes women thrive, Friedan lands on the conviction that women need opportunity to realize the full potential of their human existence.^[6] This can embrace but must also transcend life as wife and mother through meaningful connection with and contribution to community.^[7] Christians may recognize this in terms of feeling free and encouraged to follow God’s call to exercise their Spirit-empowered gifts in the larger community. It also resonates with secular authorities pointing to the self-esteem (liking oneself) needed for good mental health.

In the next and last reflection on Friedan’s book, I’ll look at her conclusion that the human need for growth is central to realizing that full potential of a woman’s human existence.

^[1] Betty Friedan, “Chapter 3: The Crisis in Women’s Identity,” The Feminine Mystique (Apple eBook, 1963 (2024 edition)).

^[2] John MacArthur, “God’s Pattern for Wives, Part 2,” Grace to You. Feb 18, 1996. Accessed online April 24, 2025 (www.gty.org/library/sermons-library/1945/gods-pattern-for-wives-part-2).

^[3] The original video of the 2019 Truth Matters Conference panel Q&A session appears to no longer be available online, but search the phrase plus John MacArthur’s name to view clips and discussion posted by YouTubers.

^[4] Friedan, “Chapter 2: The Happy Housewife Heroine,” eBook.

^[5] Friedan, “Chapter 3: The Crisis in Women’s Identity.”

^[6] Friedan, “Chapter 2: The Happy Housewife Heroine.”

^[7] Friedan, “Chapter 13: The Forfeited Self.”